Before the internet
Before the worldwide web
Before being a celeb’
before the worldwide pleb
Before they left
Before it was upside down
Before the circus came to town
before they sent in the clowns
before the thems,
Before the theys and the other
Before your dad was your mother
and your sister was your brother
Before the surgeries
Before big fake knockers
Before the perjury
Before the hormone blockers
Before the banking stopped
Before the debt
Before the great replacement
Before the great reset
before Clinton Bush & Kennedys
and government dependency
teachers sexual tendencies
and England lost on penalties
Before Fentanyl
Before the mumble mc’s
before all Cardi B’s were
flapping their wet ass P’s
Before the millennium
Before JayZ and Eminem
Before R Kelly and Nelly and
Before men all became feminine
Before Lou was me too’d
Before Patrice and Kevin
Before Building 7
Before Rodney King and 9/11
Before the gangster rap
Before they installed the gang division
that filled the prison
Before Fred Wests
planning permission
Before the Golden Era
Before all the bullet proof vests
Before the vultures took all the Ultras
and A Tribes Called Quests
before they rocked the bells
Before Kangols and Cazals
Before fat laced shells
Before New Wave hair gels
before Dougie Fresh The Show
before Kurtis Blow
before the rap
before the decks
Before the crap
Before the cheques
Before the BMX
Before TDK and Memorex
Before Ceefax and Teletext
and Davy DMX
Before the coke and meth
Before the crack
Before the scoring a £5 draw
of squidgy black
Before Angie and dirty Den
a Blankety Blank chequebook and pen
before the News at 5.45
The News at 9 and News at 10
Before Michael Jacksons Thriller
Before Polycells new Polyfiller
Before Kinder Surprise and
Surprise Surprise with Cilla
Before the Rubiks Cube
Before Elton Johns first tube of lube
Before the first pube
Before Jordan had boobs
Before non-alcoholic beers
Cheers n' Linekars ears
Before Hoddle n' Waddle
Before the wobble before Chernobyl
Before Just For Men
Before Brut and Hai Karate
before Emu attacked Parky
and Grace Jones clapped up Russell Harty
Before Stevie Nicks
Before Flash Gordon and Queen
Before page three tits
Sunpat and low fat margerine
before the ZX81s
Before capri sun
Before Pop Tarts n hot cross buns
Before Marathon became the Snickers
Before the walnut was whipped
before the card was in the Bounty
before Jammy Dodgers
Before Kenny Rogers was coward of the county
before Nick Cotton
Before Johnny was rotten
Before kippers
Before flippers
Before zippers on tartan slippers
Before Len Fairclough n' Mavis
Before the Adam West pants and vest
Before Roger Malone and Dickie Davies
and Ted Moults Everest
Before Matchbox Race n' Chase
Before Evel Knievel
before the Weeble
before power to the people
Before Robert Mugabe
Before Peter Tosh and Bob Marley
Before Clough left Derby
Before Kenny Lynch n Tarby
before Twiggy and Lulu
Before the hippy scene
Before man went to the moon
In a yellow submarine
Before John n' Yoko
Before Dylan went electric
Before Eva did the Loco
from imperial to metric
Before Elvis's pelvis
Before Richard was little
Before television
Before Clay and Cooper in the middle
Before the gramophone
Before there were listeners
Before the Andrews Sisters
Before radio transistors
Before the war broke out in blisters
Before it was peaceful
Before the prequel
Before the lies led to the sequel
before Holmes and Mr Moto
before Horlicks and cocoa
Before Ovaltine the steam engine
and first colour photo
Before Einstein
Before Tesla
Before Edison
Before Byron, Keats and Tennyson
Before Louis Pasteur n' medicine
Before venison
Before Slade
Before the Napoleonic eagle
And the charge of the Light Brigade
Before all men were created equal
to the plague
Before the dissent got louder
Before Guy Fawkes and gunpowder
Before the long crusades
Before the knights in shining armour
Before the mark of Joan of Arc
Before Kate Bush and Bananarama
Before the Magna Carta
Before Roma
Before Sparta
Before the first televised 147
and first 9 darter
Before the sun dried tomato
Before the Great Wall of china
Before the vagina
Before Shaggys Oh Carolina
Before Tupac and Biggie Smalls
Before the fall of Jerichos walls
Before caveman first drew on walls
Before the first cock and balls
Before the Troglodytes
Before the first baboon
that tripped balls after picking up
that first mushroom
Before Triceratops was having a pop at T-Rex
Before Coco Pops and Ready Breks
and Ants and Decs
Before the Jimmy Castor Bunch
Before its just begun
Before the Big Bang
Before the forming of the sun
Before the before,
Before the before and before the after
Before the first cries of pain
and the last tears of laughter
Before time began
Before there was time
Before everything I just mentioned in this rhyme
Before all that