You’ve been waiting and debating for such a load
Just starving like Marvin for a Stepisode
Round the back well in the crack now there was clearly a clog
enough he’s stuffed couldn’t do a log
now I wipe that ass with skill
with a little FUCK ME well look at this windmill
all it does is just clank and a-creak and it hasn’t had no use in a couple of week
But just then, along came Stan he said he had some flour in the back of his van
He said, this is special, it’s called Afghan come in just last night on a boat from Japan
He said, Windy you could knock it out with ease I said
fuck me I’ll have a couple of Keys
He said it’s so fine it’ll make you sneeze
I said in that case put them over with these
I said this is where I keep all the ground stuff
He said look fuck me mate I can get this and the brown stuff
I know a fella comes down from Blackpool I said well in that case I’ll have a sackful
I had a taste then I went and sat down felt my eyeballs glitch and the World start spinning round
All I could do was lay there and rest until I felt my chin sink into my chest
One minute I was all on flame like molotov and then the next I’m just laying here nodding off
Glued to the spot just run aground I clean forgot that the baker was coming round
But then on cue at half past the hour along comes Mickey to collect some flour
He knocked a couple of times but no joy
and even shouted out yo winds its doughboy
He said That’s odd I wonder where he’s got to? I need to make bread and I can’t afford not to
This little kid came over and said Bredrin he keeps that flour stuff up in that shed fing
He made buns and cakes and they were taken out, some were buckling some just flaking out
Everyone but the baker was taken out cuz he never tasted what he was baking out
Too busy over the cakes he was minding, flavour the lemon cake by stirring the rind in
But all the more he stirred he was finding it all went soft and just wasn’t binding
Then Mrs Honeyman appeared at the door she said that stuff I bought before
She said I only gave him like half a spoon and well he hasn’t moved all afternoon fuck
He said yo what you hating on my cake mix, up here with your fake tits what you wanna take pics
Can’t fake this it’s just a slow dough it can’t be the flour but fuck I don’t know tho
He went over to have a look in the flour bin, that there flour bin he kept the flour in
He smelt the powder and saw the light and even tho it was white he knew something wasn’t right
Now it all came back in a flash when he was trying to mix dumplings in with the goulash
Just thinking how they all turned to mash, I was gonna throw ‘em out when Sgt Major Grout said
Here have you seen, this new kind of flour on the scene
Looks like flour naturally but it’s actually sleeping pills cut with cocaine
We’ve been looking for this dirty pillage we’ve searched the whole bloody village
If you can help with our investigation would you kindly report to the station
Well look you know me, not the type for informing, I just thought Windy fuck me better warn him
If it gets out that it was his flour then my cake shop done closed all within the hour
He got a couple of mates in a van and asked the wife if she’d watch over the flan
she said oh btw how long does the crust take
He said just put it in the Microwave for fuck sake
When he got there well I was just coming round
I just heard white stuff soldiers and running round
I said hello Mick you must want your flour, sorry mate I must’ve dozed off for an hour
Come with and I’ll get your grain he said what sleeping pills and cocaine, I said fuck me the mills bust again
wel thats another few quid down the WHAT COCAINE!?
He sais I’m sorry mate I’ve been trying to bell ya, I said spit it out mate, he said right I’ll tell ya
That flour’s more power than sanatogen, buff dope to take us to the moon and back again
I said you best get shot of those muffins and if anyone asks well you ain’t seen nothing
drugs is only for hipsters and Frank Bough and if I catch you kids I’ll cut your fucking fingers off
I said ok lads I’ll come quietly it’s a fair cop there won’t be no fight in me
I never done nothing harder than Nicorettes and please don’t shoot me I’m not selling Cigarettes
The Sgt said do you know about pills I said no mate I only know about mills
He said Well we’ve had reports around the area sorry for all this we didn’t mean to scare ya
There’s thing called afghan flour we’ve had several complaints in the hour
I said I dunno mate it’s all news to me we don’t know about afghan flour do we
He said see lads interrogation carry on corporal back to the station
Sorry Windy not to misread ya do it by the book and follow procedure
After the fuss and interruption to apologise for their disruption
He made a call and he paid the bill to have another man come round fix my windmill
He said all good and I said defo he said alright lads back to the depot
I was trembling in a grave way went back in the mill before my legs gave way
The Baker said phew that was close with all this heat I could’ve been toast
If the good lord wasn’t looking down I could’ve burned and turned all my white bread brown
Cos there’s a lesson to learn and I’ll lead ya don’t go swallowing everything they feed ya
At least til you taste it
I said hey there’s another bag shame of us to waste it