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Stepisode 23

by Stepasaur

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lyrics

I’ve been writing my bars
too right I’ve been writing my bars
up nights reciting my bars
been eating sleeping shiteing my bars
I’ve got no more room for em
gonna need a new room for em
an outside tomb with a waterproofing aluminium roof on em
I’m going up to the castle
that’s right I’m going up to the castle
a mans gotta do what he has to
gonna rip Drac-u a brand new asshole
he’s been putting it round
claiming he’s the best in town
saying if you wants his crown
well you best come round well after sundown
well soon as I left my yard it's like someone was having a laugh cos
I swore I never rang V-cars but still there was a cab there waiting
I climbed aboard like a rip cord off it roared as if it was of it’s own accord
tried pulling the reins but that wouldn’t fix it
yeah alright dipshit ride it like you nicked it WHAT THE KCUF?

I remember his last victim, the last one who came to claim the spot
he was the highest degree of an MC there to see what Drac had got
but with no-one there no take him in nor relieve him his hat and coat
he walked cautiously around till he found the count had wrote him a note
(and it read)
Soz for not being there fam apologies and such
but you’ll be pleased to know I’m out grabbing us half an ounce of Dutch
there’s candles and a Nandos with mangos and sweet potato so
get yourself all settled in and I’ll grab a bite later
So suitably impressed with all of the courtesies afforded
he was unaware of what was about to transpire
he licked the bones and lit up a cone and checked his phone
he knew he wasn’t alone
but before her surprise could drop on him
she was on top of him having a bloody pop at him WHAT THE KCUF?

it was late on into the afternoon of that 3rd day when he awoke
to the awful creeping visions there in the trails of candle smoke
last night him and Dracula, they was having a nice toke
when he came over all paralysed as if he was having a stroke
and he thought how can I not remember what afterwards was said?
how did I get into this bed and how did a bear shit in my head?
oh God give me some glow sticks cos I must be going raving
I mean, how do I not remember cutting myself shaving?
But then it all came back fast remembering when he gratefully passed
his lyric book cos Dracula asked to see what style it was written in
cos he was so impressed by Drac
he never realised when he passed it back
that mean old Drac was a hack and had already bitten him

But not on my watch, I’m out of that barrel like an ageing scotch
you know I don’t botch, look em in the eye but aim for the crotch
Now what’s going on here then? Ah now I see where they’re all disappearing
he’s getting up quite a crew, and now they’re all biters too
with nothing intense in em, there’s no defence in em
when all it can take is picking up a stake and hammer some sense in em
and hope you get through to em, cos you gotta get shrewd to them
be rude to em, be crude to them, attitude with whatever you do to em
whatever you do better watch your back
cos you never know when a bloke like Drac
might come around like jumping jack and have that neck for a snack
slip in your door trick you with draw
before they leave you stiff as a board n cold
For gods sake it’d be rude not to right where’s this bugger got to?
OI WHAT THE KCUF?

From you hear the pit patter of chatter upon the platter
you tatter clatter and shatter and scatter among the matter
The data we natter batter ya like a tomato sat on a frittata
I’ll turn ya to taramasalata now cease seckle and satta
grease freckle and patter this level combat a beast
devil come back a priest
Got my sack of peas and my rack of Macca B’s
now whatever the track I’m please hook em up n' chat a piece
Got the knackery to attack all the wackery
in my anatomy there’s no battery in the back of me
I come from the factory before the factory
when the gums weren’t a factor but what comes out em had to be
now what’s the matter B there’s no butter up in ya batter B
crumbling up into plasticine?
it doesn’t matter whatever you chatter back to me
it’s all cranked up and not what it’s cracked up to be
Ever since the Ragga scene been emptying my magazine
to burn this heresy kerosene over gasoline
vanish this faking fraternity from modernity
and banish this hermity kcufer for all eternity!

credits

released June 8, 2021

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Stepasaur Bristol, UK

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